Saturday, April 11, 2009

Happy Easter 09'

I know this is stupid, but I can’t believe it’s Easter! I feel like I just took down my Christmas Tree. It is officially Good Friday and I have no idea what we are doing on Easter Sunday. Lame. Totally lame. I am a Forty-one year old woman, I should have some sort of plan as to what to do on a holiday. I should have a menu. I should have an idea that it is coming. I should clean my house, and purchase a ham, and DECORATE, something… I should color Easter Eggs. I should bake Easter Bread. I should buy a floral dress to wear, Oh, wait, I did that (priorities…). My mom keeps asking me “What time should we be there on Sunday”? and I keep saying, “What’s Sunday”? Denial, it ain’t just a river in Egypt! It’s how I live my life. I have ignored Easter so long, I don’t know it’s coming. I have to get it together though, because I will have a houseful of company on Sunday expecting holiday food. So I have to deliver. How am I gonna do this? My mom is “makin’ manicotti (mannigott) and I am doing the ham…oy vey!! I hope I don’t F*&$@ It up. If I do, my mom will let me know. She has already baked taralle (toddalles) and coconut cupcakes that look like they came “straight out of a Martha Stewart layout” (actual quote from her)

and chocolate covered strawberries. I can’t compete, I don’t even try. That’s why I give up before I even put it in the oven. I know I will never get it right. No matter how awesome my ham comes, it will never get the props it deserves because it was not made by my mom. I know you are all saying, no, if it’s good she will say so. NOT TRUE! She will never give me a cooking compliment. It’s kinda crazy, actually. I could make the Best Meal On Earth and she would say, “yea, it was pretty good….” I think it kills her inside, just a little, when I make a great meal without a recipe. She (my mom) always asks, where did you get this recipe? And I always say. I kinda made it up from a bunch of different ones I read online. My mom is always horrified by the notion that I didn’t follow directions to the tee., and that I basically, wung (past tense of wing) (sp) it…That is why Easter is - On The Fly - this year. I have no head for recipes. I want to take a huge ham, throw it in my oven , and forget about it. I hope while it is cooking I can, clean my house, or at least my downstairs bathroom, have all four people showered, hair done, and cutely dressed (?), and set a fabulously springy dining table…. Then take some stuff, rub it on the ham and hit it with a mini blow-torch so it looks like it came from the “Honey Baked Ham Company”. Not hard, huh? I know women are doing it all over the world today, so it shouldn’t be. But why do I find it to be? The million dollar question…I guess if I could answer it, it wouldn’t be so hard. But it is, for me anyway. I guess I’m not cut out to be “domestic”. I would rather order than make. I don’t believe in the “made with love” adage. If you have the gift - go for it- if not - buy it. NO BIG DEAL. My mom is HORRIFIED!!! I know she taught me better than that, but you can’t teach this kind of stuff. Either you have it or you don’t , and apparently, I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I can “cook” with the best of them, I just can’t chef. I have a problem with following recipes and menu plans and anything having to do with directions. I have no patience for it. I always leave something out. Either it’s an egg, or a tsp. of baking powder, or cream of tartar. And it’s always a key ingredient . Something that, if it’s missing will totally alter the final product! That’s why I hate to bake. Too much math. Too much science. Too much reliance on the person who is making it… Anyway, I will attempt Easter this year. I hope it goes OK. I’m sure it will make for a decent Blog Post if it doesn’t though. (Lookin’ on the bright side!!) Maybe Mom (WWMD) will even compliment my ham. (dreaming…) If not Happy Easter Anyway!!