Friday, November 28, 2008

(Not So) Black Friday

Here it is, 4pm on what used to be my favorite day of the year, and I have not left my house. Black Friday was once more exciting than Christmas to me, because it meant I got to SHOP. Shop, a lot, and shop on sale. My three favorite things all in one day. I love to shop. I have always loved to shop. I could shop for 48 hours straight (with bathroom and coffee breaks, of course) if someone (Marty)would let me. I think of it as "the thrill of the hunt" and I try to get the absolute cheapest price I could possibly pay, no matter how much I spend in gas getting there (I know, duh.). At one point in my life, I loved shopping more than TV, and for me that speaks volumes. I used to be one of those people who poured over every ad, I made lists of where to get the best deals, and map out my strategy ahead of time. I used to get up in the middle of the night or not sleep at all, and be all hopped up on pumpkin pie and Starbucks and stand on line with the other suckers (get a life, you may say). Oh, how I miss those days...
Not this year though. I will not attend Black Friday. You see, I (like so many of my fellow Americans), am no where near the Black. In fact, I am so far into the Red I fear I may just spend the rest of my life there. I used to be OK with it, until "The Bailout" was announced. I would like to be bailed out. Where do I sign up for this? Do you think if I let my mountainous debt get into 10 figure territory the American Taxpayers will just pay it off for me? Because if that's the case I'm heading to Old Navy, I could use a new cashmere sweater and they're really cheap today. Not that it matters if your trying to achieve a 1 billion dollar deficit. But old habits die hard. It is totally killing me how cheap everything is today, because no matter how cheap it is, I still don't have any money to buy it, and NO MONEY equals NO SHOPPING!! So here I sit, with a perfect storm of depressing circumstances. Broke...constant televised reports of "the Joneses" (with whom I can no longer keep up with) getting great deals on great stuff interspersed with 70% off commercials from my most frequented retail/wholesale establishments...and a fridgeload of extremely high calorie leftover food just calling my name... Wish me luck, because only something bad can come out of this. I am predicting either a 5 lb weight gain or a breakdown/mini-spending-spree by Cyber Monday, probably both. Stay tuned for further announcements...

Monday, November 24, 2008

How To Feel OLD (But Not Quite As Old As Your Husband)

Man, do I feel old. Last night I did something that I do once a year but I did it in a way I never have before. I watched the 35th annual American Music Awards - with my daughters. I have been watching this outrageous (shout out to Lionel Ritchie for the old schoolers) show for forever and it has never made me feel this way. It was like a veritable battle of the generational bands. Every artists I liked, they immediately hated. Every performer they worshiped, I rolled my eyes at. This was the moment I realized I had in fact become my mom. I vowed when I had children that my musical taste would never fall into the "adult contemporary" divider but as far as they (my girls) were concerned, there it was. I used to wonder why my mom would listen to the oldies station in the car and exclaim "they don't make songs like this anymore." Now I know. Here I am listening to the 80's station in the car doing the exact same thing! I just don't understand why MY kids don't like MY music. Abbie is currently in a Jonas phase . In fact, I have had a "Lovebug" earworm for about 2 months now. I walk around humming it, and when I realize what I'm doing I feel like a moron. Rachel is all about Miley, Miley, Miley. She asks me life changing questions like, "who do you think is better (at what I don't know), Miley or Selena Gomez?", and I always reply, "Miley", of course. Then she smiles completely satisfied and says "I knew it!". Anyway, there we were critiquing the performances when Abbie said something really amusing. She was watching this woman sing and she said "Look at her, who does she think she is? She totally thinks she's all that!"
This is who she was talking about

Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this Mariah Carey?
She IS ALL THAT. Abbie said "No she's not, what songs does she even sing?" I said, "Uh, all of them..." She has been number one on the charts more than any other person who has ever recorded music and my children don't know who she is because her name is not on every marketable piece of crap you can stick a name on. I have seriously failed as a parent. I have got to have more programming control of their Ipods. They need more protein and less junk food as far as music goes. They were also picking on Annie Lennox (one of my faves), and Alicia Keys (due to her headgear). Abbie squealed (actual squealing) with delight everytime the camera locked on Joe (Jonas, who else), and Rachel was quite taken with both of Miley's outfits. Which by the way, were both ripped from the pages of this months InStyle magazine as if it were her own personal catalog. What a way to spend your 16th birthday. Mine was spent on line at the DMV eventually failing my permit test and crying the rest of the day. But I digress. One more thing - Kanye West - at least agree on something. We love him on the radio and on the Ipod, we hate him in person. I know he's got issues, it's just a shame he can't just let his talent speak for itself and keep his big mouth shut. We'd all like him more. Oh, and one last thing, I swear, Jimmy Kimmel, he's funny and all but don't make me feel like I have to have my hand on my clicker all night because I don't know what crude thing you will say next about my daughters' favorite Disney stars. That's it, I'm done venting, but I would like to say that when my husband said who are They (Rhianna and Chris Brown) I laughed, because really, dude, how old are you?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Completely Addicted To Facebook

Hi, my name is Liz, and I'm a Faceaholic. Apparently Facebook is the crystal meth of the internet. You become completely addicted from the first time you log on. You continue to log on several times a day every day there afterwards, until you realize you have a problem (ie, you've run out of clean dishes, clothes and milk). I should know, I'm totally hooked. I have logged more hours Facehopping (going from one profile to another) lately than watching TV (perish the thought). This is why I have been neglecting my blog. Well, that and the fact that absolutely NOTHING has happened worth writing about in the past week. At least not to me personally, let's not panic, I'm aware of the new President Elect (yea!) and the historic event we are all witnessing. I am just saying that my life has been pretty much SSDD, and since the election is over TV bites. SOOOO, I tried Facebook, and not to be trite but, my life has not been the same since. I have connected with friends and cousins and neighbors that I haven't heard from or seen in years, and it's awesome!! You should try it, that is if you are like me and can devote the time it will suck out of your life. You see, I am really into avoiding reality (not reality tv shows, though) lately (dad's chemo, money stuff, kids fighting, etc.) so this foray into my past life is just what I needed.You can casually drop in when you feel like it see what people are saying and log off. It's kind of like a new form of Alice Kravitz (Bewitched). You get to see who your friends friends are and what groups they belong to and who's Facebooking your 12 year old daughter. I's a whole new Big Brother. Speaking of brothers, I told my brother to join Facebook and within two hours of joining his number of friends surpassed mine. So if you read this and you have Facebook add me as your friend...I have self-esteem issues...
If you don't have Facebook, what are you waiting for? I'm sure your kids have it, and then you can be their friend (spy) too. I am usually pretty up on things so I can't believe it took me this long to discover such a fun waste of time. Gotta go check my wall!

Monday, November 3, 2008


That's all. If you watch "The Hills" you know what I mean. If you don't, why aren't you watching "The Hills"? I know it's sad that a woman of my age would be totally sucked into this shizz, but I am. Don't ask me why either. Also, Audrina needs a mentor. (I'm Available!) (Please don't move in with Justin Bobby, without some kind of commitment, to a house that you PAID FOR !) . Oh and another thing, PLEASE VOTE! I don't care who you vote for, or for what proposition you vote yes on, just do it. We all have to count for something don't we? Either way it will be totally historic. I'm just glad to be a part of it. (CHANGE...that is)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Dia De Los Muertos

Ahhh! The day after Halloween! I love it. I know I am going to get a lot of flack for this but I HATE Halloween. I hate picking the costumes (too much decision making), I hate picking the candy (what's on sale, what won't I eat all by myself before trick or treaters arrive), I hate the whole pumpkin thing (buying, lugging,carving) but most of all I hate the division of candy afterward ("she got more than me"," she stole my snickers" -" no i didn't" -"yes you did"). I also hate the fact that the minute they clear those Halloween shelves there are exactly 53 shopping days left until Christmas and they (the evil retail elves) don't waste one second of prime selling time. Please don't remind me Christmas is coming when my pumpkins are still out. Which reminds me. How lame am I? How totally lame of a STAY AT HOME MOM am I , that we forgot to carve our pumpkins this year. Did you hear me? I said WE FORGOT TO CARVE OUR PUMPKINS THIS YEAR!! They just sat sad. Now we don't even have roasted pumpkin seeds. I guess I could always buy them at Trader Joe's. And I guess we could always do them next week (as suggested by the girls), but I don't think so. Once I rip off that October calendar page it's time to add my "Christmas Playlist" to shuffle on the IPOD. I am officially in holiday mode. Any second now I will have my annual "where to have the holidays" fight with my brother and the season will be underway. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I would love to have SOMETHING, ANYTHING to actually look forward to other than a season finale (TV). So here we go. Here come the holidays, good or bad, like 'em or not, here they come. Just for reflection though, I thought I might share the few Halloween photos we did manage to get on that day.

(ps. Abbie changed costumes 3 times before the date, and had such a meltdown about her hair after school on Friday she made me trim her bangs in my bathroom with cuticle scissors before I sprayed it red. Rachel's props cost more than her dress. I BEGGED her to put Miss Alaska on her sash, wear glasses and carry an American Flag and go as Sarah Palin but to my dismay she said NO WAY! - she likes Obama. Oh and I think the Auto Focus feature on my camera may have ceased working because all of my pictures are really blurry, but maybe it's just the Xanax - JK)
The Devil and the Beauty Queen (how Apropo)
Beware the TWEEN FROM HELL!!
Miss Alaska, I mean Arizona (2020)