Friday, December 12, 2008

'Twas The Fight Before Christmas 2008

liz and joey (1971)

...a letter to my brother

Twas’ the fight before Christmas, when all through the year
We never see them, they don’t know we’re here
But all of a sudden like the tick of a clock
I can feel my family boat start to rock
Right ‘round Thanksgiving it starts with a bang
The planning of Christmas, one Big Happy Gang
But it never seems to go as we planned
Your house or my house where will we land?
We go round and round and we call every name
And always it seems, the outcome’s the same
We never agree on a proper location
Each year I say, “Let’s go on vacation!”
But just like the years that have prefaced before
We’ve come to the end of our cash flow once more
So much for Disney and visions of mice
I must now stay home and develop a vice
So break out the vino, pass the Xanax around
Nicita fights are legendary and world renowned
The stuff that we say at Christmastime
Would make you think we’re nothing but slime
We say things we want to all year but we cant
And just -look out- if we’re off on a rant
There’s yelling and crying and a lot of hanging up
Swearing and screaming and tons of dredging up
We let it all out like a therapy group
Firing comebacks like an improv troupe
We just can’t seem to be on the same page
So here we sit with our guilt and our rage
This time of year should be filled up with cheer
Not start and end each day with a tear
As Rodney King says “Can’t we all get along?”
But we always think that the other is wrong
My house or yours - really - who gives a shit?
Is it worth losing all of your family over it?
We have to realize what’s important this year
That Dad is alive, and with us, right here
I want to have memories that are happy forever
And I know that I won’t if we’re not all together
Working this out now may be a tall order
And I’m going through wine like it’s bottled water
I’m sure we could probably go some more rounds
As stress eating adds another 10 pounds
So consider this my final appeal
I’m willing right now to make you a deal
We have a cease fire ‘til 2009
Cause after the holidays we seem to be fine
But I’m sure you’ll exclaim, as your tongue you bite
This really was our BEST CHRISTMAS FIGHT!!


Motherboard said...

Very funny stuff and I couldn't agree more!

"My house or yours..." we have the same argument in my family too!

Jennifer said...

Haha, that's cute! I love the pictures too, their classic!

Amber said...

Why would you want a "cease fire"? Would it really be the holidays without a TON of stress and fighting and bullshit? I didn't think so.

wendy said...

Very cute story/poem. I love people with a whacky sense of humor. I caught your blog off of a comment on navelgazing-- Hey, Mormons DO have a humor - me being one, (just not that many, chill folks) Merry Christmas.

Anonymous said...

See all this traffic you are getting. Your humor is being appreciated and enjoyed. Just remember who your blogger BFF is! Hope that "Mormon Service" was good for you!

Melissa said...

Freakin' hilarious! Nice job!